The one that ended before it began

It has been forever since I posted. A lot has happened in between then and now. From my previous blog posts, it’s evident that I was in relationship that wasn’t working so well. I have since gotten out, I left and this time it’s for good. I went through so many stages, especially the ones of grieve. I have changed, I have grown a lot I can’t even recognize myself sometimes. But I thank God for bringing me through it all. They say you have to go through fire to be refined and I appreciate everything I been through. 

Well well, where do I even start??? After getting over my ex (the once love of my life) I decided I will not commit elsewhere. I wanted to be lone ranger/girl and for a while, it worked so well. For a few months I was happy with my life, school was good and work life was better. I had all the me time anyone can ever need. I was beginning to find my bliss. My very supportive girlfriends stopped telling me how I should get a man, they started on how I should go out and dance, just have fun like girls my age were doing. But I was not down with that, my life seemed perfect just the way it was…….

…………..then HE happened!!! Yes, a guy happened. I had met him once last year in Eldoret when I went for my best friend’s graduation party. He had been sitting at a table across from ours’. To date, it beats me how I had not noticed such a handsome man first. He came to our table, said hi to me, asked if I would like anything but I had pushed him away. Can’t he see I am well taken care of? I wondered. But he persisted and by the end of that night, he had bought me countless shots of tequila (LOL, yeah it was in a bar). Later on that night, I left the bar, no word to him and I travelled back home with my one of my pals. But the persistent guy he was, he got my number from my pal and he called the next day… he never gives up easy, yes. He called me almost every day for the remaining part of that year. In 2012, he tried meeting up with me, but I was with someone else, so I avoided him like a plague. Until 5 months ago when I broke up with my man, it got serious, the calls, the texts…. I liked him, he made me smile, he made me almost change my mind about men, about wanting to be alone. He was (or so I thought a good man). You see after my ex, I made it my goal to involve God in my relationships, so I prayed. I asked him to give me a good man. I listed all the traits I wanted in my good man and every day I would remind myself that not all men are dogs. And amazingly, he was a good man. Out of the 10 traits I had written down, he passed 8 of them. He was a gentleman, you see the kind that calls you last at night & first in the morning, the kind that opens doors and pulls chairs, the kind that holds your hand everywhere and lets you take 1^st position, the kind that brings breakfast in bed and asks what you want for lunch so that he can start preparing it, the kind that you just want to stay in with just to have him to yourself, the kind that keeps asking “honey, do you need anything??”, the kind that lets you chose the movie to watch, the one kind that lets you decide where to rave, kind that tells his guys today he is staying in with his girl, the kind that talks about babies with you, about his dreams and hopes, about his family….(I could go on and on)….. Bottom line is, he was a gentleman. And I was wowed!!! I remember the day I met him for the second time, I went to the washrooms and told God, “this could be him’, then I said “God I think this is him”. Then I said “God, make him the one’!!! Hahaha I was excited, who wouldn’t?? I told all my pals, even my mother….. Everybody!!

But then things changed, whoever said “when the deal is too good, think twice” must have been through what I have been through. I realized that he has too many women who think he is ‘THAT MAN’, just like yours truly. Women who call him at very odd hours with funny demands…. And like all men, he said “we are just friends” but I know that all too well. I am not a girl anymore, I am a woman. I don’t fall for that crap that easy. Been there before, and I know how that story ends. So I decided to obey the red lights. I decided to End it before it began!!! I am happy that it almost started, because now I am convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that there are good men out there. I am still smiling, I remember those few months with nostalgia, and I can almost see how we would have made a lovely couple. I am not angry or bitter, NO!! I am happy I had a chance to experience that. I am proud of myself because now I know how to be with a person for who they are, not who I hope they will become. That’s why I refused to let that relationship continue in the hope that he would change. That would have been a sure way of setting myself up for a nasty disappointment!!!

So this once wounded, broken girl has healed, has grown and is now thriving!! And I haven’t given up looking/praying for my good man, I know he does exist!!! Still I will keep searching for my kind of perfect!!! With God by my side, I will not go wrong!!!

XOXO