i haven't been updating my blog but i never stopped reading.i am at a difficult place in life.how do i know this??well,i haven't written on my blog or journal for the last...almost one and a half months.i have lost touch with my inner self and with my surroundings.life has lately been from one fall to another,almost so close together leaving me with no space to breath,digest stuff,exhale and vent ..i have almost become numb to the pain,can't remember the last time i cried,not because i don't have pain but because I've learned that pain doesn't hurt when its all you feel.my life is practically falling down,crumbling and disintegrating piece by piece,i have no idea how to hold it together,i have no clue how to save myself.worst part is,i really have no control over whats happening.it started with my cunning excuse of a boyfriend,after running out of my life for almost four months with no word or any sort of communication whatsoever,he showed up,out of nowhere.he called me,and silly me.....yes i said silly me,i went running almost with the same speed he had used to run away from me...it was like a fling felt sooooo freaking good and silly me again forgot that when its too good,i should think twice....and as we all know,flings don't freaking last!!!so its now over,ended too fast!i have been thinking,long and good about it,and now it doesn't hurt like it did a week ago..i like telling my friends that it hurts while it heals and when that time came,it was my turn to take my own advise,however hard and unrealistic it felt,i did,i stood by those very words and now i know i was never wrong.....its healing,slowly but surely!!
i have learned a whole hell of a lot this time round...i now know that not everybody deserves a second chance,and especially the EX!!they don't,coz this people (men) they don't change,the reason why you broke up with them in the first instance is probably going to be the same one you break up with them the second time....and the vicious cycle continues...what i am yet to get over is the fact that it will still hurt as much as it did the first time,thats how the heart is,it never gets used to this things!!so i have come to a very wise conclusion,genious if i may call it so...that i can not keep giving people second chances...why you ask??because i am not God!!!and i can not love everyone and keep being nice to them no matter what they do to me,or how the do or don't treat me...why again??because i am no Mother Teresa!!even though i am an avid reader of the Bible,and i hold its teachings close to me,but then again i am human i get hurt and i have pain..i can't keep giving people an opportunity to hurt whenever they please....for me to be able to love others,i must start with loving myself...this way i am able to discern if the love they give back to me is the kind i really deserve....so yet again,i'll do what i do best when i hurt and i am vulnerable...i'll lock everybody out...just for some me time(thats what they call it right??) just wonna be alone,with myself and my thoughts and my dreams and hopes.....to concentrete on my school work and other things that really do matter....you may call it solitude,thats fine with me...i believe i am going to be fine,i'll keep praying coz i know that there is power in a praying woman,she might fall but she never drops...i pray the He may guide my steps and guard my thoughts,that He may give me peace and good health,that He may protect me from harm and hurt,that He may give me success,wealth and prosperity....and when i can not find the words to ask Him for all this,that He may read my mind.....
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